5-Alive: Keeping Encouragement Alive By Becoming A Better Listener

 

1. Eye Contact: “Look at me when I talking to you!” How many times did you hear your parents say that when you were a child? Their point was they knew you were paying better attention when you were making eye contact. That principle still hasn’t changed. When listening to others, stop what you are doing and focus; no more multitasking, texting, answering phone calls, etc. Make others feel like they are the only one alive at that moment – no one else matters.

2. Body Language: If you are indeed focused and paying attention to someone, let them know it! When looking at the definition of listening in a dictionary, we find “giving attention with the ear”; how about giving complete attention with the entire body? Lean in, nod, give a physical touch if appropriate, e.g., a pat on the back or on a hand, give a hug, knuckles, hi-five, etc. Remember, facial expressions are also a key to communication.

3. Mind Your Manners: Yes, it is true: God gave us one mouth and two ears for a reason! It is twice as hard to listen as it is to open our mouth and speak. When we interrupt, we are not only being rude, we are disregarding others’ feelings and thoughts. They feel and are being treated as insignificant. Remember, “It is not about me…” so don’t be planning what you will say next when the opportunity arises. We need to remind ourselves that this is a conversation, not court – we do not always need to prepare a rebuttal! If we must respond, wait until asked or until there is a pause in the conversation.

4. Show Interest: When it is actually appropriate for us to speak, we need to show interest in what they are saying, provide support, and show respect. Be open-minded and don’t be too quick to form opinions or be judgmental. Listen to learn. Remember, we do not always have to agree, but we can always learn something new by listening. Repeat back what you believe they were saying. Ask open-ended questions to clarify. However, don’t interrogate, but rather attempt to feel and show empathy. Find out what their expectations are. Inquire if there is something you can do to help?

5. Re-Affirm: Don’t just hear the words, listen for the real message. When we offer affirmation,we are giving support and admiration; we confirm that others’ thoughts and opinions are valid and important; and finally we motivate, encourage and influence others in a positive manner.

Advertisement